Episode 94 | Aug 23, 2024

The Healing Power of Humor, With Heather Gray

When was the last time you laughed during a health coaching session? Heather Gray, this week’s guest on Health Coach Talk, says humor might be a missing piece in our approach to wellness. She sits down with Dr. Sandi to share her journey of authenticity from storyteller to nutritionist and stand-up comic and discuss how humor can foster genuine connection, bring a fresh perspective to wellness, and supercharge the healing process.

“I’m having a blast being myself for the first time in my life. Forty-six years old and I’m finally feeling what it feels like to be in my skin fully and putting myself out there completely.”

Heather Gray

Health is no laughing matter, and as a result, many health coaches and clients approach it with seriousness. But Heather reminds us not to discount the transformative power of our own authentic humor in our coaching sessions. She would know—she’s not only a Functional Diagnostic Nutritionist, she’s also a stand-up comic. Heather’s philosophy is all about blending comedy with health coaching, using laughter as a healing tool and a means of breaking down barriers to form deeper connections. She believes that if more coaches started tapping into their authentic humor, their coaching might become even more relatable and impactful, helping clients feel at ease and engaged.

Heather’s path to comedy and coaching has been anything but conventional. She candidly discusses using humor to address her own health concerns and trauma, alongside other techniques like biohacking and experimenting with different health practices. Heather never envisioned herself as a comic, but through humor, she found a way to navigate her own health challenges while empowering others to approach wellness in a more light-hearted and relatable manner. Because her comedy reflects her authentic self, it serves as a powerful tool for connecting with others and making complex health topics more accessible.

If humor resonates with you (perhaps it’s one of your top character strengths), Heather encourages you to explore the value of humor within your coaching sessions. She reminds us that a light-hearted approach can help some clients feel more comfortable and receptive. Heather’s story demonstrates how humor can be a strategic tool for breaking down barriers, fostering a positive atmosphere, and making health-related topics more accessible and engaging. Coaches will find inspiration in Heather’s journey and practical advice on how to infuse humor into their own practices. Check out the conversation below, and download Heather’s free cooking guide here.

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Episode Transcript

Dr. Sandi: Are you familiar with the saying that laughter is the best medicine? Well, there’s a lot of research showing that this is true, especially a good hearty belly laugh. Humor is really important. It’s important when we are feeling good, and it’s important when we are dealing with something that is a serious medical condition. So, this is what we’re digging into in this podcast episode. I am going to be sharing with you the insights of my special guest. Her name is Heather Gray, and she’s a practitioner. She helps people with chronic illnesses. She’s also going into standup comedy. That’s something that you think, “Well, how can this mix?” And yet there are people who have been noted in the past for their work as healers as well as comedians. “Patch Adams,” you may have been familiar with that Robin Williams movie, that was about the life of Patch Adams. In fact, there are many oncologists who go into comedy to help their patients laugh. And that’s when we may need it most when we are dealing with a very serious medical condition. Health coaches can promote the use of humor, and we get into that in this conversation.

Let me tell you about Heather. Heather Gray is a functional diagnostic nutritionist. She’s a bio-energetic practitioner, specializing in supporting clients with chronic complex illnesses such as Lyme disease, mold toxicity, and autoimmune diseases. She’s had over 32 years of personal experience, and she understands the struggles of living with these conditions. And she’s dedicated to helping others find relief. She’s also a podcast host and a standup comedian as well as an author. So, let’s get into the conversation with Heather Gray. Heather, welcome to the podcast.

Heather: Thanks for having me.

Dr. Sandi: So, we are going to talk about something that’s a little different. We’re going to talk about humor, the power of humor, because Heather, you got into standup comedy. And you have also been in the health and wellness field. I know you had your own health journey. So, I’d love for you to share with us just a little bit about your background and how you got into comedy.

Heather: Yeah, absolutely. I’ll give you a little thumbnail version of both because they, kind of, go together for the whole story. So, I usually start off with any talk of I was basically born full of shit, right? Like, I was a very constipated four-year-old. How many people can relate to being constipated as a kid or have kids who are constipated? And that, kind of, started off my journey of, “Let’s start Band-Aids at symptoms, right?” Laxatives, stool softeners, thick nasty oils, but no one was trying to figure out why this four-year-old couldn’t poop. Hindsight’s 2020, turned out that was the year my uncle committed suicide and my grandmother died of breast cancer. And I was brought up in a family of addicts of all kinds. And they were young and there was no way that they were able to hold space, right, for this four-year-old and her grief of her uncle who was only 18 when he left. And my grandmother, who was one of my favorite people on this planet, you know, she was just one of the few safe people in the chaos that was my world.

So, it really set me up for those high A scores, which we all know is correlated to higher chances of autoimmune and chronic illness as you get older. Fast forward 27 years, undiagnosed Lyme disease, three autoimmune diseases, two stints in the psych ward for suicide, 150 pounds overweight, that’s what led me to my path to become a functional practitioner, right? If I would have continued the Western medicine model, I wouldn’t be here talking to you because all they wanted to do is throw antibiotics and napalm at a body that had been sick for decades. You know, I said I wasn’t pooping. I still wasn’t pooping. You can’t go to war with a person’s body and start killing off stuff in a constipated person. You’re going to make them very, very sick.

And so I pivoted, went back to school, became a functional practitioner. And within, like, the first three months, like, my life really started to change, like, very quickly. It’s amazing what happens when you fix the foundations. I wasn’t sleeping right. I wasn’t eating right. My stress level was through the roof. I was surrounded by toxins. I loved perfume and scented stuff, which we all know is horribly toxic to our liver, our endocrine system. So, once I started getting back to how a human is supposed to live, my body went, oh, I know what to do. I know how to heal. Then now I’ve been… I graduated back in 2013. So, that’s over 10 years now. Just very recently, I’ve been looking to get on more stages. I want to speak. That’s my passion.

And I remember meeting a fellow Mindshare person, Dr. Sam Shay. He’s actually a doctor who’s on the spectrum of Asperger’s, and he does standup. And I met him in person for the first time and literally within five minutes of talking with him, he goes, “Have you ever thought about doing a standup?” And I said, “Why on earth would I do that?” And he goes, “Because you want to speak more. And I know that once that’s on your resume, it looks better. It gets you more spots. Do you want to listen to a practitioner that’s just boring, boring, facts, facts, boring, or would you rather listen to the same material with a little bit of entertainment?” So, I was like, “Okay, that kind of makes sense.” And then he asked me, “Do you have any trauma in your life?” And I said, “How long do you have for lunch?” And the rest was, kind of, as you say, history.

I did the comedy class that he was involved with. I graduated in May. So, we’re recording this in July. I had my first paid gig in June, and now it’s July. I’ve got eight total paid gigs for the rest of the year. And I’m plugged in with an all-women’s group called Moms Unhinged, and they traveled the nation. There’s about 40 of us that go to different locations at different times and perform. And it’s not a typical path of standups, and I feel like I’ve really put in my dues everywhere else in life. Like, that was just a little thumbnail version of some of the stuff that I’ve been through. That was the funny thing too. Like, when I got into my first class, everyone else had been there, had done it before, and so they all had material. And I was like, “Crap, I don’t know what I’m doing.” And I stood back and I listened, and I was like, “Oh, I see a thread here. It’s trauma.” So, when it came to my spot, I went, “I’m just going to throw all my toys on the floor and I’m going to see what you guys want to play with.” And I just started listing off stuff. And then that’s, kind of, how we started writing some of my first bits.

Dr. Sandi: What an incredible story. So, I just want to backtrack for our listeners who may not know ACE. That is adverse childhood events or experiences. So, trauma, if you had loss of a parent, if you had anything traumatic that occurred, then you would list that. And the higher your score, the more susceptible you might be to physical and emotional conditions down the road. And Mindshare, that is a group of like-minded health and wellness individuals. It’s run by JJ Virgin. And that’s how I first got to know Heather. So, that is an incredible story. So, I would say most people, myself included, thinking of doing standup, it would be so anxiety-provoking. You’re out there, you’re alone on stage and you don’t get any laughs or you are just bombing and people are leaving, for example. So, did you experience that anxiety and what did you do to overcome it?

Heather: So, it was funny during the class, like, halfway through the class, I was like, “Forget this. I can’t do it.” It was causing so much stress. And my husband at the time was like, “You can quit if you want to.” But I have a tendency to start things, you know, bright, shiny object syndrome, and then I don’t finish. So, it was a very personal mission of mine that I’m going to finish this class. And then once I did and got up on stage the first time, oh, I was kind of addicted. I get it now. Like, the laughter is addicting. And coming from a history of addicts and my own addictions, I’m like, “Okay, I see the correlation here.” So, the funny thing is during a paid gig, I haven’t bombed yet because most of the people who pay money to see comics usually are going there to laugh, and being the Moms Unhinged crowd, it is 90% women in that audience so it’s a sure win. So, on a paid gig, I haven’t bombed. The only place I bombed are on open mics, which is where you go to practice.

Technically, open mics really are all other comics in the crowd looking to work through their own new material anyway and it’s tough. This industry is… It is very… It’s like 90% men, 10% women. So, it’s still very skewed. And when I go to an open mic, especially living in a college town, I walk into the room and it’s nothing but 30, 25-year-old boys, you know, who are talking about horrible things. It’s not even funny. It’s like they’re one place to get out to just, kind of, like, verbally [vocalization] all over the place. And then I get up there and I talk about my middle-aged mom stuff and, you know, it’s crickets. But I’m proud of myself for getting up there. And, you know, if I get one little thing that gets a chuckle, then I know that it’s really going to land well at a real show. So, knock on wood, I haven’t bombed yet in a real show, but I know it’s going to happen. It happens to everybody at some point.

Dr. Sandi: Sure. Would you say that standup is often storytelling? You know, we often think of it like you’re telling a joke, and I cannot remember jokes. And some people just have a knack for rattling off one joke after another. So, would it be that, that’s your style or just telling stories? Like you mentioned, your family. I heard a comedian recently, and he just got up there, and he just told these stories about his wife, about his kids, about going to school for his kids. So, it’s just taking real-life experiences that the audience can relate to.

Heather: All the above. You know, for me, because I’m a practitioner, because I’ve had all this horrible trauma in my life, it really is a mission for me to educate, entertain, and inspire. So, I will always be, kind of, pulling from my own stories in the beginning till I run out of material, which I don’t ever see that happening in this lifetime, because like I said, you know, there’s a group that travels that only does addiction, you know, material. So, I actually need to start writing material on addiction. I have another group of people who…they’re entrepreneurs. And so they want me to write material on what it’s like to be a woman business owner. I’m half-Mexican. There’s a Latina group that… There’s all kinds of things that I can pull from for now, but I’ve seen comics do a mixture of both or it’s just current events and politics, which I stay away from because [vocalization] I’m still doing this for fun for myself and, like I said, a way to educate, inspire, and entertain. In my comedy, I’m talking about coffee enemas. I’m talking about brain inflammation. I’m talking about autoimmune disease and the correlation between trauma and how I ended up as a exotic dancer when I was 19 years old, you know? So, making those connections, you know, if I can just plant one seed in somebody, you know, not only just have them forget about their own life and their own woes, but if I can also go, “Oh, God, what did she say about coffee enemas and constipation?” You know, “Oh, what did she say about trauma and my low self-esteem and daddy issues?” You know, then the crap hand I was dealt the majority of my life wasn’t for not, if that makes sense.

Dr. Sandi: That makes total sense. Are there any comedians that you would say are your inspiration? Anyone that you would say, “Wow, that person was spot on, was so funny and I’m inspired by that individual”?

Heather: John Mulaney right now has been hilarious and he’s talking… He’d recently got sober, so he’s talking a lot about his adventures, and sobriety, and things like that. Any comic who can, kind of, just put themselves out there in that way and say, “Hey, you know, these are the mistakes that I made. Isn’t it funny? But look, I’m alive. Thank God.” A lot of the ones that I’m inspired by right now aren’t truly famous yet, but they’re part of the Moms Unhinged group. Like, I cannot get over the level of talent those women have. And to be on the same stage with them is just unbelievable. I am just blown away by each one, each one, every single one is just as funny as the last one. And, you know, all different aspects of being a mom, being a wife, being a woman, things that you really just don’t hear a whole lot on that stage. And so that’s part of the reason the founder started that group is because so often women comics will go around into a room of men who aren’t laughing and we leave thinking we’re not funny. And it’s not that we’re not funny, it’s the wrong crowd. You know, so what a blessing that is.

Dr. Sandi: Oh, absolutely. Well, I can certainly relate as my older daughter has been in entertainment for many years, and she did a few years ago a stage reading of a potential new play about Joan Rivers. And she has been the inspiration for “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel,” which I happen to love.

Heather: Oh, my god, that movie. That was so awesome.

Dr. Sandi: Yeah, and there’s also a recent TV series called “Hacks” that also was based loosely on Joan Rivers’ life.

Heather: I love that show.

Dr. Sandi: And she was so courageous. She was operating in a man’s world. And just as you’re saying, she was introducing humor that was so ahead of her time. And so it’s wonderful to see what you’ve done, the group that you’re a part of. So, let’s talk about the potential of humor. Many years ago, I was really inspired by the work of Bernie Siegel, by Norman Cousins who… So, Bernie Siegel was about healing from cancer, and Norman Cousins was…he watched Marx Brothers movies. He had a very serious medical condition, and he healed himself by laughing. And in positive psychology, humor is one of the best character strengths. The ability to laugh, the ability to make others laugh is right up there with… It’s in the character strength, the virtue area called transcendence. That means it is very powerful and has been called one of the most essential avenues towards healing. In other words, laughter is the best medicine. So, coaches who are in our audience can use humor. You can help people to laugh. And I think it is so, so healing to actually physically laugh. So, I wonder if you could comment on that.

Heather: Oh, absolutely. And what a blessing it is that I get another tool in my toolbox as a practitioner, right, to help people heal. You know, so coffee enemas, red light, you know, sauna, skin brushing, okay, and laugh, it’s all right up there. Anything you can do to help raise your vibration as well, like laughter, joy. Those are very high vibe energies. When you get stuck in chronic illness, especially Lyme disease, mold toxicity, the autoimmune world, those invisible diseases that…you know, you’ve been gaslit. There’s not a whole lot of information out. There’s still a lot of controversy around it. You can stay in that heaviness and you can stay sick or you can choose to focus on how it is you want your life to be, what the outcome you would like to see. And laughter sometimes is that little bridge, right, that can, kind of, help those spinning thoughts from to stop to help you redirect and then laugh and get you in a higher vibration.

I’ve even learned that recently with building my business. The last three years have been ridiculously tough, and it feels like I’ve been pushing a boulder up the hill. And I find myself when I’m getting bitter, when I’m getting resentful, when I’m getting burnt out, the answer is not more work. Even though I haven’t met my financial goal for the month, the goal is for me to find a way to raise my vibration. You know, whether it’s laying out in the sun with my feet in the ground and doing some earthing and meditating, or if it’s going out with a girlfriend and laughing our butts off at a comedy show or a concert with live music, whatever it takes to get me in a better mood because nothing I do is going to be productive when I’m in that space. And it’s no different when it comes to healing. It’s no different than anything in life. If you’re coming at it from that broke, lost, stuck, bitter, resentful, sad, depressed place, you’re not going to get very far. The best way to switch all that around is to get into a higher vibration, a higher energy before tackling whatever it is you’re trying to tackle. And comedy I think is a beautiful, easy way to get into that new frame.

Dr. Sandi: So well said. And laughter yoga, I once took a workshop. And so even if you are not in the mood for laughing, you would start, ha ha ha, ho ho ho, that belly laugh, and it creates a profound parasympathetic, in other words, relaxation, quieting response where you can rest and digest and heal. It’s anti-inflammatory. And I’ve been married now for 52 years, going on 53.

Heather: Congratulations.

Dr. Sandi: And when we are arguing, I always say like, “What’s the secret? He makes me laugh.” And sometimes we just can let go and start to laugh, laugh at our foibles. And so it’s just so powerful to be able to laugh and let go. And often we elevate everything to a tragedy. It’s awful, it’s horrible. I can’t stand it. I can’t take it anymore. But if you can find any way to smile, to laugh, and often losing yourself in a comedy… Again, Norman Cousins who was watching Marx Brothers. He describes this in Anatomy of an Illness. And that is still tried and true. So, if you are upset about something, you put on a favorite comedy show and that is one that’s guaranteed to make you laugh, you will during that time have a healing response.

Heather: Absolutely. Yeah.

Dr. Sandi: Yeah. So, it is so wonderful to see you blending comedy with your work with your clients.

Heather: Yeah, I’m super excited. Never in a million years. Never in a million… Like I said, I never grew up going, “I want to be a comic when I grow up.” And now that I’m in it, I’m like, okay, how do I do this full-time? Like, this is incredible. It’s the one place in life where I can truly feel like I can completely be myself. Even as a practitioner, I feel like you got to show up a certain way and you got to be professional. And I naturally am, kind of, a silly, brash, intense, loving person, but a lot of those, especially in business, aren’t always appreciated, right? And so like I said, I’m having a blast being myself for the first time in my life, 46 years old and I’m finally feeling what it feels like to be in my skin fully and putting myself out there completely. And it’s just been so amazing.

Dr. Sandi: What would you say to people listening who are thinking, maybe they’re health coaches or practitioners or they’re thinking, “Well, I’m just not funny. I’m at a party. I’m never the life of the party. I never can tell a joke and make people laugh,” what would you say to them? Is this something that can be learned or…?

Heather: Absolutely. Absolutely. So, I was more of a storyteller, and my coach, the girl who taught the class, I came with my stories and I’d be like, “Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.” And she’s like, “Okay, great.” And then she would take it and shorten it down and make it punchy, right? So, it sounded less like a story and more like a joke, a punchline. You know, get in. So, those weren’t skills that I had going into it. And that was my fear too. You know, I’ve been told that I’m funny. I’m pretty animated to begin with. I feel like I can be witty, you know, so on the fly. And so to think of “jokes” a bit, I didn’t think I had that skill set. And it’s something that can be learned. God bless. And I have. And then there’s also joke… You know, you can go on YouTube and look up joke structure for standup comic and, you know, there’s books about it. There’s classes, improv. I don’t know if I could do improv. That’s a little on the sillier spectrum than I’m willing to go to. I just am not that silly.

I like to play, but same thing with the laughter yoga. The first time I did a laughter yoga class, I stood on the sideline and watched everyone else and was like, “What the…?” You know, I’m glad they were having fun. And then, you know, the laughter is contagious. So, after a while, it was making me laugh, but you can take a class and it never hurts. Take one class first and find out. You know, if it’s not for you, then it’s not for you. Even if I never did anything with this, it helped me show up more authentically on a day-to-day basis. So, like, I was being more playful with people. I just came back from New York, and we saw a Broadway play. And the elevator was, like, the size of a one-bedroom apartment. It was crazy. I started running around the elevator like a little kid. Next thing I know, this woman, easily 20 years older than me, starts running around the elevator with me, you know, and then now everybody else on the elevator is laughing their ass off. And we all walked away with this warm, fuzzy connection. You know, I used to get, kind of, squashed for being out there and talking to other people. You know, my ex-husband, you know, “Do you have to talk to everybody?” “Well, why not? They’re people. I’m a people person. Why would I not?” You know, so even if I did nothing with this, one, it helped my speaking. He was right. Absolutely helped my speaking. And two, it helped me to show up more authentically on a day in and day out basis and relate with people in a completely different… What’s the word I’m looking for? In a completely different way.

Dr. Sandi: Yeah, yeah. That’s so powerful. And I remember, this was a few years ago in Scottsdale, there were a bunch of doctors and one of them was taking an improv class. And so she invited all of us to come along. We were having dinner together. And then afterwards, we were going to this improv troupe that was holding classes. I’m thinking the whole time at dinner, “How am I going to get out of this?” I’ll say I’m tired. I have to go. I have to get to bed early. I have to get up early tomorrow, or, you know, I don’t want to do this. It was so scary to go into this room but it’s experience. And I realized as I was doing it, hey, yeah, I’m not good at this. But when I stopped telling myself I’m not good at this and just took a chance and just got into the process was very much in the moment, it was actually a great experience. And improv is often recommended for people who have issues with public speaking. And we have a lot of people, especially in our health coaches who want to lead groups, they want to facilitate group coaching, and they’re so scared because they think it’s like public speaking. But the more you practice, whether it’s Toastmasters, whether it’s taking an improv or learning to tell a joke, if you’re giving a speech. So, as you said, I love that idea of just going online and just learning how to tell a joke, how to tell stories that are funny.

Heather: Absolutely. Well, you know, and I’m hoping I put in an application to Mindshare. I put in an application to Echo. I put in an application to Dave Asprey’s Biohacking event, you know, because it’s all material I can talk about, you know, biohacking, and health, and trauma, and tying it in a way, like I said, that’s funny but yet still educational. It’s still, you know, relatable. Because again, you know, we have all these amazing speakers but, you know, a lot of them can be kind of dry, can be kind of long. You know, how great would it be to punctuate some of those areas with a little laughter?

Dr. Sandi: Yes, exactly. And I love your thoughts on taking your own experiences and of the community that we’re part of because I think satire can be so powerful to laugh at your own foibles. So, my daughter has a friend, his name is Clayton Farris, and he has a big following on Instagram. And he posts these reels. He did one in LA. There is a grocery store called Erewhon, you may know it. And you can’t walk into the store without spending, like, $500. Smoothies like $20. You know, they have celebrity smoothies. And it is very ripe for satire. So, he did this comedic reel about what if an Erewhon shopper goes to a store that is not a health food store, and, you know, it went viral because people could see… They could laugh at themselves. They can see themselves in these situations. So, I wonder if you comment on that. Is our community ripe for comedy?

Heather: Oh, absolutely. I mean, was it JP Sears, you know?

Dr. Sandi: Yes, he did that. Yeah.

Heather: He got huge, you know, kind of making fun of the spiritual hippie, you know, higher consciousness health realm. And it was hilarious because it can get a little on the ridiculous side sometimes. You know, people always can take things to extremes. And even if it wasn’t extreme, even if it was all truth, again, he got to reach a different audience that a lot of us just speaking about, let’s say, coffee enemas, right? Wouldn’t normally get to but because it did it in a different way, like I said, I got to be in front of 200 women the other day that I guarantee you I’ve never been in front of before. And I’m talking about coffee enemas and constipation, talking about the possibility of my transgender kid and atrazine in the water. I’m bringing it, and it’s such an incredible gift. And I think there’s room for more of us. There’s not enough I think doing this, and especially women, I cannot get over the doors that have opened for me because they’re like, “Oh, you’re a woman and you do comedy? Let her to the front of the line, people.” And I’m just like, “Holy shit, this is amazing.”

Dr. Sandi: Yeah. And I think there’s this misperception that you have to be in a good mood to laugh. But actually, throughout history, in the darkest times, we’ve used humor, and people who are gravely ill, who are terminally ill have been shown that they can laugh. They can have that experience in the moment that is bringing joy.

Heather: Absolutely.

Dr. Sandi: So, this has been a wonderful conversation, Heather. How can people find you? And where can they see your comedy? Are you on YouTube?

Heather: Yes, everywhere, I’m the Renegade Health Boss. And there is a YouTube channel, and there’s a comedy section in there. Same thing on my page, there’s a comedy section on where I’m going to be next, upcoming shows, a link to past shows so you can watch some of the material. And then I have a free giveaway for a cooking series that I made for folks because so many people…I try to get them to eat better and to do a healthier lifestyle. And they’re like, “Wait, you want me to go in the kitchen?” And it was like their biggest hurdle and fear. And so I was like, “All right, let this goofball show you how easy it can be, right?” So, I made a free cooking guide that has videos to go along with it on the website.

Dr. Sandi: That’s wonderful. Well, thank you so much. This has been a fantastic conversation, and I look forward to laughing with you.

Heather: Thank you so much.